Welcome to Adequate Female
What is Adequate Female anyway?
Hello to you!
I want to provide a community for women in particular, to share their stories in a safe space, feel inspired, confident, part of a community and largely that you all have value.
I think there's a space for this, amidst the multitude of positive thinking, meditation endorsing, visualisation manifesting content. Look, I'm not saying you aren't ok to subscribe to that, if the first thing you do when getting out of bed, is repeating an affirmation to yourself and that helps you, cool. If you don't feel remotely connected to that world, "self-care" leaves you cold as a term, and you don't feel particularly positive actually, cool. What if you're not aspiring to be a park-runner, to lose 3 stone, to move up 4 job levels and add £40k to your salary? What if you don't want to have kids, or have sex at all? Cool, cool, and cool.
There are loads of us, wandering around feeling like at any point someone is going to point and shout "AHA! Melissa can't remember her banana bread recipe by heart, sometimes it's stodgy, she dyes her eyebrows and some days doesn't get out of her pyjamas!"
I want to share women's stories, giving all of us the space to consider our differences, maybe be inspired by them, perhaps they'll resonate, I want to celebrate those who feel like they've got it wrong, that their inner-dialogue is very different to everyone elses. It isn't by the way, there are loads of us, wandering around feeling like at any point someone is going to point and shout "AHA! Melissa can't remember her banana bread recipe by heart, sometimes it's stodgy, she dyes her eyebrows and some days doesn't get out of her pyjamas!" Who feel like they aren't seen for simply navigating the big stuff on a day to day basis.
The big stuff IS getting yourself up and facing your day, it's getting through a job you may find unfulfilling, it's finding the strength to leave a friendship which is toxic, saying no to drinking alcohol, feeling calm and in control when your relative asks "so what are you doing with your life?" like you're supposed to have those answers?! Those who have made life-altering decisions, who are a different person now to who they were, who have been courageous and bloomed in their 50s, gone back to study, or you know what? Those who have no ambitions for career, but to live a full, healthy, loving and loved, respectful life. (These are the ones who have peace with themselves, tell us your secrets!)
Clinging to one particular version of what you think "a happy life" should look like, while fighting to smother any possibility of an unhappy one, is the cause of the problem, not the solution.
We are socially in crisis, feeling disconnected and irrelevant. Struggling to escape your perceived negative emotions and feelings, are what gives them power. It's like plastering over a festering wound, which keeps opening up and getting infected. I'm asking us all to bear the wound, to speak about the things that frighten us, that we feel we may lack direction, or we aren't doing "enough" with our lives!
Clinging to one particular version of what you think "a happy life" should look like, while fighting to smother any possibility of an unhappy one, is the cause of the problem, not the solution. What if happiness, is accepting that you'll never run that marathon, but 1 mile a day is enough? We may never be 100% Vegan? We are likely to be a size 16 indefinitely?
What makes you feel strong? When do you feel you are adequate? That you are enough? What have you done to overcome that voice saying "who does she think she is?!" It doesn't have to be enormous and life-changing, perhaps you've let go of wearing makeup around the house with family because you feel fine without it. Maybe you put boundaries in place with friends, which may mean disappointing them more- but stops you feeling over-stretched all the time.
Adequate Female is me, it's you, it's her. It's everyone who is doing great as they are. If you need some support, come sit with us. If you want to share, please write it down and let us read it. If you have something to figure out- ask, let us offer some thoughts. What if, it's as simple as building a community we want to be part of?
